おととい、はち切れそうな大きなお腹で
上の子と一緒に前髪を切りに来て
『予定日過ぎてんのにまだ出てきてくれないの…』
と嘆いていたＹチャンから
とってもかわいい画像つきで
嬉しいお知らせが届きました(o^o^o)
３３３５ｇの元気な男の子誕生。
待望の男の子にパパはすでにメロメロらしいです(笑)
おととい、はち切れそうな大きなお腹で
上の子と一緒に前髪を切りに来て
『予定日過ぎてんのにまだ出てきてくれないの…』
と嘆いていたＹチャンから
とってもかわいい画像つきで
嬉しいお知らせが届きました(o^o^o)
３３３５ｇの元気な男の子誕生。
待望の男の子にパパはすでにメロメロらしいです(笑)
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
unkJkonmlso [url=http://is.gd/Z6nhsF]makeityourring[/url] Sjlrfbgirakinook
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Men have become the tools of their tools.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
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